profound insights ~ divine wisdom

To Have Love and Left….a Narcissist

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 155 other followers

The Wise One once said: “Cultivate the Wisdom of obscurity…release the need to be more ‘anything’ in the eyes of others.” ~Lao Tzu~

Coping with having loved a Narcissist is not an easy task for many who are unlike the offender…the hurt, the confusion, the frustration, the embarrassment, all of it…it gets easier when, and only when, one is open to understanding something they don’t.  If you are reading this, you are ready.  You are a lovable human being, the Narcissist you fell in love with, is spiritually beneath you.  A fact is being stated not for judgement sake, but for you to shift to a compassionate sense of self-forgiveness and a platform to rebuild your confidence.  The quote from the Wise One, that you just read above…it is like kryptonite to the Narcissist.  Knowing this should begin to awaken you.  Your hurt and anger are symptoms of this transformation taking place while the wounds heal.

It starts out as seemingly entertaining for the unknown party.  Narcissists command attention and seem…. therefore intriguing, quite compelling.  They seem ambitious, outgoing, “together” and it looks like they have this unrelenting confidence.  However, they are haunted by the slightest possibility of criticism, or someone helping them to improve ironically, they have to know it all, when the most intelligent ones realize they don’t.  They behave like 2 year olds often demanding excessive attention by way acting out, eg. cheating, compulsive lying, mental abuse, sometimes severe physical abuse, certainly severe emotional abuse.

The unsuspecting party begins to fall in love with their charisma, often good looks and charm, not always their ways of being, that is usually casually overlooked…why?  Usually the other party has some unsettled issues of their own, but they offer the narcissist what they lack, which is great empathy and considerable kindness, a beautifully loving inner spirit…However, to the narcissist it presents as weakness, an easy target for manipulation to achieve their ends so they think.

Almost always the unsuspecting party is either very attractive or present as submissive or both.  It is mostly in hopes to enhance the Narcissist’s self-esteem and agenda.  The relationship may seem extremely exciting at first, like the two of you are experiencing a shared psychotic trip.  Then, it happens, the other party begins to feel again…the truth is still unknown, but the narcissist senses something that isn’t coinciding to their ideas and they become fearful that they will be discovered….The acting out begins.  These people suffer greatly from criticism, defeatism, even the possibility of such.  This is about the only emotion they can feel, their own inner-fears often self-medicated.

Sometimes, the other person has deep-rooted needs too, insecurities of their own, but when it comes down to it, no one is more insecure than the Narcissist.  If it is one thing I want you to take away from a relationship gone wrong, know that this entire condition begins to show up in early adulthood and fortunately but unfortunately it is not about you.  (a side note, these individuals behavior is so patterned, so typical, that the DSM-IV actually says that they’d do the following: “eg. exuberantly tell a former lover, ‘I am in the relationship of a lifetime’. “)  With that being said, are you beginning to see it’s not about you personally?

I believe it to be a type of adaptation to some type of early neglect, abuse and/or very little empathy was ever expressed in their past and/or Narcissistic ways are partially a learned behavior…Most likely it is a defense mechanism that develops and becomes their personality.  This in essence will bring the human attention which they feel so deprived.  Conditions always develop from an opposite condition, ones that were so painful that triggered unbalanced ways of coping.

Somewhere they have had to have had the opposite perceptions of Narcissistic ways, or else cultivating this personality would be impossible.  They are in defense of their damaged EGO.  Their level of ever comprehending detachment from ones (especially their own) EGO is incomprehensible to them. They believe that this is the way the world should work. They require excessive adoration, so much that they begin to act out (eg. verbally abuse) if it is not constant.  They don’t have the ability to transcend this way of being.  Anything is possible, but their ideology and attachments to this way of behaving are so strong the very inkling of another way of being is so threatening to who they believe they are. That would threaten their “know it all” attitude.

Fundamentally these couples are usually polar opposites in personalities.  The Narcissist, unknown to many at first have serious self-esteem issues, their sensitivity is condensed to that alone.  The moment attention is directed elsewhere, they have an uncanny ability to circle it back around to themselves and disparage that person who interrupted their attention.  Their depth is nil, because they are so focused on “things” defining them…including their relationship.  These folks will seldom take blame if ever.  They always seem to be optimists in the sense that whatever went wrong had nothing to do with them.

It’s Bitter-sweet…dating one of these characters…So, you got hurt?  The spectrum of emotions you could have experienced during a relationship with a Narcissist, incredible… especially being able to identify all of them……move past the hurt in a hurry, before what little you have left is gone. These folks have a whole 3 pages devoted to them in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV (DSM-IV), that’s what we professionals use to make sure we know who we are dealing with.

The most relevant part of this post is for you to know these folks are in what we call the Cluster B personality disorders,  they are the most difficult of all to treat in a clinical setting or to manage in daily life for that matter…why?  Because they are so convinced that their way is the way the world should be, the way the world works…the only way.  This is why it is called a “personality disorder”.  Their behavior is a very organized behavior pattern; it only takes one time to be in a relationship with one of these characters and you’ll never forget.  It can be quite traumatizing for the other person.  However, what you have learned, and are still learning is priceless wisdom. And, most of all, you are now on an undeniable quest for inner peace and closure from this offense.  This is where gratitude begins to bloom… the realization of where all of the offenses have placed you now, and for the moment that is here healing and moving forward.  As for you, attain the wisdom of obscurity, releasing the need to be more “anything” in the eyes of anyone.  You have just witnessed the most powerful reasoning behind that ancient wisdom now haven’t you?

Related Articles “Sociopath : the Floor Show” and “Children of the Narcissist”, “Bullying : The Art of Resilience”, “Blame : The Need to Do it The Ability to Accept it…”

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Categorised in: Emotions, Gratitude, Love, Partner, Psychological Issues, Relationships, Uncategorized

44 Responses »

  1. I can’t tell if I’m being that transparent in my posts, if I’m that predictable, or if you’re accessing some omnipresent powers you have yet to reveal. Either way, I’m in awe. Brilliant.

    • Can’t believe it got better the second read-through. Thank you again.

    • Hmmm….Quite possibility powers of synchronicity! A fellow blogger made a request…you see how like seems to attract? I believe in this arena for the better of all of our spiritual advancement. Anymore requests? :) I am fully delighted serving. I love to know these posts stimulate awe/ great thought.

  2. I agree with The Writer. Brilliant, once again. Very eye-opening!!! :)

  3. Thanks for this post. Very interesting information here as always . Thank you :)

  4. Reblogged this on screw infidelity and commented:
    I ran across this blog through Karmic Diva and found it interesting. Everyone has narcisistic tendencies to some degree. I won’t say all these traits apply to my relationship, but I think those recovering from affairs will find that many of them apply to the ways their betrayer acted or viewed things as they made their choice to cheat and in the ways they treated us before and during their cheating and to some degree after discovery.

    • Hello there. Indeed, as I have said in additional posts, we are all in the DSM-IV somewhere, it is the mere awareness (of our behaviors) and the tendency…how long one stays in this mode so to speak. Cheating is mostly about the insecurity of the offender and even jealousy of the offended spouse. Thank you for further sharing this. I will blog more on the topic and about infidelity as I am finding that to be an issue readers are struggling with. Feel free to ask further questions. I am so grateful for you and others that you stopped by and reblogged. The goal is to help people cope…to learn the art of coping through self-mastery (wisdom). There is a lot of material on the blog. It is supposed to be a venue for readers…to have a place to go for for comfort and direction. Don’t let the titles fool you…Have a stellar day!

  5. How does a Narcissist overcome their disorder?

    • Usually it takes a huge fall or a huge loss of some “thing” they may love more than themselves. Then they may begin to awaken. Only then does that person maybe see something else is not quite right and then when left alone totally…he or she can begin to witness their transformation. It takes a lot to detach these folks.

    • You are most welcome Doug. Thank you for stopping by. There is a lot of material on this blog for your reading pleasure. Have a an excellent day!

  6. Hmmm. You’ve got me thinking. I am in the process of ending a 30-year relationship with a man who have behaved very much as you describe, but in our relationship only (or primarily). With co-workers, his boss, friends, he is humble, generous, often gets walked on because he won’t advocate for himself. In our marriage, I have been required to carry his ego around like a newborn child. If I set it down for a moment because I am overwhelmed by a situation requiring my focus, that sets in motion a whole lot of reactions and I am accused of being disloyal, giving attention to other men…. it’s been pretty exhausting. That beings me to a question: does the true Narcissist exhibit these behaviours in a generalized way, or can it be in an intimate relationship only? Does it follow that perhaps the most insecure Narcissist will choose only one object upon which to act out?

    • Hello, and thank you for stopping by. A true narcissist leaves no relationship unturned. There is none of the selective behavior business going on. He is exhibiting some of the characteristics. It sounds like the notion of a “marriage” gave him some sense of security in the sense of the relationship not being able to just go away so easily…so he pushed limits with you all the while being so frustrated in the rest of his life, not having the courage to risk conflict outside of your relationship. In this state you are not helping a suffering human being move forward. At your expense you have tried and likely did what you could over the years and sacrificed yourself, your own sense of well-being. Hindsight I am sure you are seeing this. If you do decide to dissolve the marriage grasp that he is conflicted and after a while behaving the way it sounds like he does to you becomes abuse of a sort. Like I said, narcissistic behavior is very difficult to treat, but in some cases a big “fall” is what can actually help a person. Do not feel bad or guilty about doing what makes you feel comfortable. If you do take on those feelings, they are negative and will not help in your recovery. Narcissistic ways have an ability to make another person feel negative feelings. They have a way of blaming, and not taking responsibility. When you understand this you will begin to experience self-preservation. Take care of you fully now. Put nothing but good things in your mind. Stay calm and confident, and become assertive with what it is you want now. Have a comforting day. There is a lot of material on this blog that will help you. Thank you again.

      • Thank you. This is helpful. We are coming to the end of a 6-month separation process, and he moves out tomorrow with one of our sons. Our house is sold, and I will move with our other two sons in a few weeks. We will be co-parenting our youngest, who has autism, for years to come, so will need to build a new relationship. I feel really good about my own future. Your clarification around what true Narcissism looks like is helpful; at the end of the day, I probably don’t need a label for his behaviour anyway because that won’t help me work on myself. Thanks again!

      • Very well, you sound like you are moving forward quite smoothly and that is all we need. When you have a second have a look at my “all the world needs is…” post.

      • Very true on that last part. However, as humans we have a compelling need to organize and compartmentalize. So for now if it helps you process all the better. As for your son with autism they are a gift truly. Do what you can to keep his diet a clean as you can and watch him thrive. It’s great for you too! Surround yourself with things that bring comfort always! You’ll find new hobbies to keep you moving in a clear direction. Sorry that previous comment posted all by it self before I was done! ;) have a stellar day. Congrats on your new life.

      • SO glad to hear to mention diet with respect to autism. We got off to a late start with that, when our son was 10 and are still going with it six years later as it has proven to be helpful. And yes… he is a gift to us both and actually brings out the best in his dad. Thank you again for your supportive comments.

    • Hi: I have a relative by marriage who would qualify as a narcissist. I saw the same characteristics outside of that persons family: meek and mild at work and a terror at home. I suspect that at work the narcissist may avoid running with the pack leaders because if they fail then that’s like having a mirror held up in which they may see themselves for what they really are.

      From what I’ve seen a narcissist is also a huge coward so they may be very meek in situations where other people have power and will use it ie in the work place.

      • Precisely. They struggle with fear consciousness and try to avoid criticism by constantly deflecting. They learn to play the submissive part quite well among the earned leadership of the leaders in his or her presence. It can almost create a disgust in those that observe the spectrum of behavior of these folks…however, one must remember that narcissism is a state of consciousness…like a fish net that has captured a fish who doesn’t have the skill set to move in a way to get beyond the trap of that state. Most of us can imitate these folks quite well as we can detach from the turbulence of the state and see its dis-ease its services from. It sounds like you are all too familiar with this ill way of being. I’m pleased to hear that you are so aware and hopefully are detaching from the hurt of the narcissists own pain. We must feel compassion for these floundering folks. Always your, Red Moon

  7. I was in a relationship with the person you talk of in your post until 2 months ago. His relationship with his mother was abusive and he felt abandon. He is totally like you explain a narcisist to be. Always thought i was cheating even when i just wanted to go home and be with my children. He is very jealous. I am very independant and love unconditionally. He claims he loves me very much but he went looking for a woman that can give him the time he needs and that has more monetary worth than myself. I love the guy and its killing me knowing that I have failed with him. i see the little boy that was hurt more than i am angry with the man he has become. What in the world can I do to help this man? I have accepted his decisions and onkly want the best for hiim. As of now we ralk and are friends but its hard not to love him. Is he trying to hurt me still?? What should I do?

    • Hello… Dear, Teri. Another interesting and valid point of which I will add to the post…is that almost always the mother was married to one and was a passive mother to her son, looking for the love an affection from the child rather than establishing more rigid boundaries and parenting. His perspective of what love looks like was modeled somewhere, most likely right at home. The jealousy was likely how he saw ‘love’ for you to be…in other words if he expressed in that way of wanting you, coveting you…probably like his mother showed towards him in hopes to emotionally affect and hurt his likely narcissistic father. As I said in the post, these persons are stagnant spiritually and sometime brought in to our lives to strengthen our weaknesses…to finally get the fact that we as a more spiritually transcending human being (than we may have thought) and do not need to be validated by others, Ever. And we never should feel the need to justify our actions or our self. It sounds like he actually did you a favor and please don’t let the ‘monetary worth’ comment hurt you, as it was one of their snide comments intended to control an emotion. He is simply speaking of his own deficiencies, his fear of lack and belief that happiness is found outside of himself. When the universe divides a relationship like it has, let it go graciously and thankfully. It is always about now what you have left from this experience. In my estimation there are countless lessons. Failed with him? ah, this looks to me like it was more of a spiritual success for you. Sometimes, relationships that appeared to not work or look failed…were never intended to be long term…your motherly love is more suitable for your own children, not a grown man. Your partner should add to the’ who’ that you are, the part of you that never changes. Limit your conversations with him so you can heal. This may allow his abandonment issues to flourish, for him to be forced to deal with, without dragging you down and exhausting your reserves anymore. These folks zap good energy, by way of constant contradictions involving moral turpitude issues attached to your ideals, especially relationship ideals. Continue to focus on love from a compassionate viewpoint, not from an intimately passionate view point, nor from the viewpoint of defeat. Renew love for yourself and put the affection, care and concern towards YOU…don’t worry it will spill over to your children. This is the place where you refurbish any of your weaknesses. Continue to read on this blog, it will help you heal, it’s designed to do just that, to be a haven for the afflicted, the ones who can admit it. ~Always your, Red Moon~

  8. Thank you for this Red Moon. My ex wanted me around even after he established we were broke up, he would not commit to me ever, I was his greatest disappointment, and he could meet other girls and should never be made to feel guilty for it by my insecurities. When I tried to leave to get over him to he’d say things like he needed me, he missed me so bad, I was the woman he loved the most, we had the best sex (he hinted at friends with benefits often but would get upset if I mentioned being this to him), he resorted to talking about this other woman he’d tried to get serious with after we broke up if he felt the need to. It left me in a pit. I was never over him, am still not… but I don’t want to be made to feel guilty because I want to do what is best for my kids and I. I was by no means a perfect girlfriend, I got out of a bad break when we met…he was my proverbial knight in shining armor… I truly loved him… and still do. I wanted to do the best for him but I was not emotionally healthy enough to be good enough. He never failed to remind me of my short comings…. anyway he says this is all my own fault and doing but he knows I have had such trouble breaking free of him. All I want is a whole heart..he doesn’t act like he cares one bit for my needs, only if they somehow benefit him. I hope I can journey to a place where I am happiest with just me and the children. I don’t feel like I need a man, I just wanted him…he wrote on some forum that it’s great to stay single, that he’s the committed type women dream of. It hurt me.

    • You are Welcome! Please please please read more of it will totally help you! It is the best medicine. I have worked diligently for it to be a refuge. This is something to keep with you and refer to often. It will strengthen you. Remember we define love based on our own personal dysfunction. So work on loving yourself. Short comings? If any it’d likely be a touch of weakness within your lovely spirit. That’s what I believe those types enter our lives for…so we have a barometer for our own self-mastery…especially, our emotional self-mastery. ~Always your, Red Moon~

  9. This was so profound, it blew my mind. Thank you for sharing this. I really needed to read it.

    • I am quite pleased to hear that it did what I intended…shift your perspective…They indeed help make the world go ’round…however they often leave collateral damage for those unaware…once awakened though…All things Change. Wisdom is the great equalizer. Thank you for visiting, please have a look at the related posts posted via links at the bottom if you haven’t already. Kind Regards, ~Red Moon~

  10. I sincerely thank you for writing this. I am currently suffering the emotional consequences of my relationship to the N. I gave of myself completely to this man. Unfortunately I didn’t realize it until the relationship ended. My life with this man can now be described as living in a tornado. The storm has now passed and I find myself with my ass on the ground trying to rebuild everything including my self esteem. This is by far the most painful experience of my life. This surpasses the death of my parents as the confusion and betrayal are things I’ve never had to cope with. At least not on this level. The hardest part for most of us intelligent women is the blaming of ourselves. I’m sure almost every woman has become codependent in this kind of relationship. We forget who we are and what we need. Life becomes the N, giving up everything to please these men only to be exhausted and discarded in the end. It’s been almost 3 months and I am finally over the suicidal phase and moving forward in hope of a brighter future. Hopefully I will learn from my lesson and never get involved with another man like him. At 40 years old, the most painful thing is the realization that I allowed myself to be victimized. For all of you out there who are recovering, stay strong. Believe in yourself. Believe in fate and know that something better is waiting for you.

    • Greetings,
      You are quite welcome. You have came to the right place to reorganize your mind. The assaults on one’s self-esteem can be so overwhelming…but all things are either good for you or they bring up something in you in order for you to look at to create good for you, Therefore, as hard as it can be to admit…but gets easier after the awakening…is that it’s All Good. In order for you not to have this happen again, you must do the emotional work fully before you choose to go out into the dating realm again. You are fighting with not the person, but with the spirit…and it will go from person to person. Once you have been able to fully map out what in you needs to be refined and then whatever “that” issue(s) is then your new awareness will trigger new intuitive responses in the nervous system. You’ll be able to see this pattern of behavior right away. I urge you to sift your way though this Wisdom Magazine as it is a “haven for humanity”, a place to cope, a place heal while doing the work on yourself. Always Your, Red Moon

  11. Thank you EVERYONE for this wonderful blog. I left my N boyfriend of a little over 2 years for the FINAL time about a month ago. My N had 2 distinctive personalities: one was generous to a fault with gifts and gestures; he cooked; he did handy man work around my house; he mowed my grass; etc. The second personality was calculating and reactive. This was the “crazy-making” side. A few of the more dramatic events endured under his spell included a 10-hour car trip of silent treatment following a week-long vacation from hell. My phone nearly lost power on the trip home, and he refused to let me use the phone charger. A dead phone meant I had no way to call for help if the situation escalated. Arguments were win-lose propositions; he didn’t comprehend the goal of understanding and compromising. Insanely jealous, he would sneak and read my phone messages every chance he had when I left my phone unattended. He read my entire FB page daily and queried me about people and comments they had written on my page. In a rage, he kicked me and my son out of his house one morning when we were both still in bed. He was going golfing; having us there presented a security risk. He endeared himself to my extended family. When things turned sour, they had a very difficult time believing that emotional abuse was occurring. When break up was finalized, he came to my house to pick up his things. He removed a number of things that were gifts and sent me a scathing email begrudging me some of the other items that I kept that were also gifts. And the childish name-calling. I was a “user” for accepting his generosity. I was a whore for dating other men when we were broken up. And of course there are countless references to the “men who will soon be in my bed…”

    As I reflect back, I’m able to see him in a more objective light. There were no compliments. He didn’t try to get to know the deeper part of me. He didn’t integrate me into his group of friends nor did he have any interest in mine. Often he didn’t listen to me–he completely tuned me out. He made plans for us without my input. He maligned my friends. He was dissatisfied with the amount of attention I gave him and my ability to “show” him that I loved him. I wasn’t permitted to be angry with him; that was referred to as “giving me your back.” As you have pointed out in your writing, he was very definitely developmentally stunted in childhood. He fought like an 8-year-old which left me with neither an offensive nor a defense. You simply can’t argue with a child. A child is irrational.

    I had to block him from my FB account because he was posting things about “respect” and other relationship-related topics. Considering his only friends were members of his and my families, he made it pretty clear that the postings were meant to get my attention. Hence, I blocked him which sent him into orbit faster than the blink of an eye.

    Thankfully, I have not heard from him since he picked up his things. The most obvious thanks regard my health and well-being, But more importantly, as with most of us who have posted, I remain vulnerable. I want to see him or hear from his, lest I get weak and fall back into the abyss.

    • Greetings Dear…You are most welcome. The intent of this blog is a haven for healing. A place to go when all feels chaotic and tumultuous to…well find a sense of peace, a sigh of relief in knowing. Knowing this is a temporary state (of consciousness) at least for the seeker….can’t say just how temporary for the offender. This morning I awakened out of a dream state sleep and felt compelled to check the blog. I read this comment and felt I must sleep on what I just read. I fell back into a deep sleep and dreamt a beautiful and friendly horse approach me and kiss my cheek. I awakened and did a little research on this dream…it indicated wellness, a healing. I definitely know what you were able to vent here was incredibly healing and this blog is meant to be just that, a place for healing. It sounds like you are dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath borderline (and borderline personality disorder) psychopath…Please find this break-up to bring up things in order for you to look at to create good for you. I am sure it hurts. However, the way you are able to express yourself regarding this recent incident expresses to me countless emotions that I don’t even have words for…I feel you through the internet. I am sending you healing light and love…This (experience) is only a temporary state of consciousness for you…you are in the process of morphing into a higher state of consciousness…no one said it would feel great going through these rebirths…imagine your first earthly birth…X number of years ago…same thing…the trauma…Please be sure to take care of you, your energetic well being and fall in love with the divine human you are. Please let us know how you are coming along…Thank You for sharing. Always your, Red Moon

  12. Hi everybody,
    As a newcomer ı wanted to express my deep gratitude to you Red Moon for the wonderful work you are doing in sharing your deep wisdom with us and also to all other followers for sharing their stories and commenting. It feels like having found a caring family.

  13. Wow so glad I found you! I was swept off my feet by one of these N men. He pursued me for over a year with his “gentleman charm”. I was on a deep spiritual path and had managed to reach a level of celebacy for ten years. I was happy, had no emotional baggage and was quite content as a single woman who raised two now grown children on her own, .. My spirit told me not to get involved but one night I became lonely and let my guard down. Not only did I allow this man into my home and introduce him to my daughter after 5 months, but I gave up my precious celebacy of ten years to him. I became suspicious shortly after and started questioning his marital status and why he never invited me to his place…he always had a convincing excuse..roommates were too messy….. I decided after 7 months to do a background check…I was devistated to find out he was married and living with his wife and two children for 26 years.!! This man was at my house and spent the night on several occasions and took me to nice places, we went on great adventures and oh yes, I was the best woman he had ever encountered. Until I blew his cover….but then came more excuses, we are living in the same house but separated blah blah blah…..I ended it. But, more devistating than all of the above, I went back!!!! I felt like I was hypnotized or under a spell that I couldnt snap out of….I finally shared all of this with a close friend who thank God took the time to show me what this person was. All of a sudden this confident strong woman was this weak insecure frightened person that I didnt know anymore. I am now free of this man for only a month but holding strong. I have accountability from close friends who contact me often to make sure I am on the road to recovery and on to a higher spiritual ground again….What I struggle with most is beating myself up over being a victim…and praying that the person I had become was a temporary one!! Thank you for this site and being able to write things out….I feel it helps me to keep strong and to heal!!

    • Greetings, thank you for sharing and the kind words. Forgive yourself, there is no productive use in blaming and beating up yourself up over the now past…that is indeed keeping it alive. Try to understand it more like this, you were in a state of consciousness unbeknownst to you, totally unrecognizable at the time. Now you’ve awakened to it and understand now how it served you and how it did not serve you. We all travel and hopefully transcend through states of consciousness. Read, “Nature; what happens when we pay attention to it” It is Always something from within that brings circumstances into our experiences. Nothing to be ashamed of….something for you to transcend. Begin by forgiving yourself, holding that inner grudge will only bring more issues into your awareness to hold grudges against…ask yourself what is the reason for this punishment you are self inflicting. Is there a deep desire to inflict emotional pain? Is there any satisfaction you get from beating yourself up emotionally? Where did you learn that from? All rhetorical questions for yourself. Notice how your experience has brought you here…some place you’d have likely never found. You are healed…no need in prolonging it. Always your, Red Moon

  14. Quality content is the important to invite the visitors to visit the website, that’s
    what this web site is providing.

    • Greetings dear reader, I graciously thank you for your recognition. it’s quite heartfelt as are my posts. More to come soon..Thank you again. Always your, ~Red Moon~

  15. I am so grateful for your lovely words, Red Moon. After leaving my N husband just over two weeks ago, I have been reading all I can, hoping to keep myself from smoothing away the damage and ‘forgetting’ all that I now see and understand. The realizations are simply so brutal, and I literally feel like I’m torn to pieces over and over with the knowledge that I invested so much of my heart and energy and faith in such inherent emptiness.

    With all that I’ve read, your site brings me the most peace. I feel comforted in your perspective, and I am grateful to feel hope for the first time in a while.

    I was with my husband for five years total, married for two. It was my second marriage and his third, and, as has been the case for so many of us, he truly made me feel like I’d found the soul destined to partner with mine. Before long however, our relationship was anything but a partnership, and I found myself frantically working, harder and harder every day, to understand him and support him, to make him feel whole and happy in a way that no one else ever had. All I wanted was for him to smile at me like I mattered and hold my hand when I needed it. I would have done absolutely anything for just that much. And though so much abuse and disrespect occurred along the way, when he finally told me recently, when I was in tears and asked him for a hug, that it “wasn’t his job to comfort me,” I finally woke up.

    I left shortly thereafter, and thanks to supportive friends and my wonderful daughters, I am mostly staying strong. He’s been trying to manipulate here and there, though he quickly disengages and disappears if I respond sincerely and stand my ground, which tells me that he doesn’t actually want anything that’s authentically ‘me’. I also know that he’s already searching for other women. In some ways, that’s almost welcome knowledge, because it confirms that which I truly didn’t want to see–that I have no intrinsic value to him–and it helps me to stay the course and finally do the best for myself.

    For me, one of the most devastating things is the loss of his family. I do not begrudge him his support system, and I would never interfere or try to change their view of him, but I do mourn the loss of these people I have grown to love so much. I am also heartbroken because I know he’s saying bad things about me. I’ve had to sit through phone calls–well meaning, I think–urging me to ‘stop my foolishness’ and let go of my anger and pride and go home where I belong. I have such a problem tolerating injustice, and the betrayal of being painted negatively when I know how hard I tried and how much I loved is excruciating.

    I can only hope that, just as I was given the gift of understanding when I really needed it, the same will happen for those I love, that they will someday know that I only intended good things, and that I worked so hard to make my love enough.

    Tonight, I just want to thank you again for your wisdom. Of all of the sites I’ve visited, and there have literally been hundreds by now, yours is the very first to inspire me to comment. I’m grateful I found my way here.

    • Greetings dear…I am so pleased to know this site has brought you some solace. The next phase of your healing comes from the vantage point of the new awareness you’ve gained and the expression of gratitude for that priceless lesson and ascension beyond that state of consciousness. Forgive any and every part of yourself that feels any of the pain of the aftermath of the experience. The pain is what awakens us. Bless those whom you feel may see you as negative. Chances are they know and will consider the source…this is the time to know now deep down in your own soul who it is you truly are and your own self-worth. Chances are you didn’t give yourself the love and credit you truly deserve. Use this experience to love yourself to the fullest….not in narcissistic ways of the offender, but from the depths of your own remarkable soul. Members of his family may continue to be in your experience if you so choose to maintain a relationship with them…if not, new people will surely come your way to enhance your new awareness. Always your, Red Moon

  16. Thank you for this well written piece. The pain and aftermath of encountering these creatures is something ele. This too shall pass and love will no longer be wasted on them. Part of my healing is praying they develop a conscience and empathy, so they can feel. That would be brilliant both karmanic and forgiving at once. Just know that if you were chosen as a “victim” it is because you were already a victor and the Lord knows you can take it and not lose. God Bless

    • Greetings, it is indeed quite traumatic. Thank you for the kind words. However, you’ve now experienced the contrast of such. This is where forgiveness comes into play. Making that decision to forgive is the turning point on your road to peace. You will do that when the emotional pay-off for not doing so diminishes. As we elevate in consciousness we begin to clearly see that they know not what they do (the potential collateral damage). May you go forth in peace with understanding. Always your, ~Red Moon~

  17. Wow very knowledgable

  18. Red Moon: I have a couple quick questions….my good friend’s husband is a narcissist. He lies, cheats, steals, covets, destroys anyone or anything in his path. He has had multiple affairs. He goes after the young and wet behind the ears ones. The naive, decent, loving, giving kind. He steals from business partners. He blames my friend for being boring, older, and lost her spark or jive in life. He blames the economy, society, his upbringing, society in general for all his choices. He will blame other women for how they dress if he tries to sexually exploit them. He blames business partners for being stupid if they get duped or conned. He loves and gets off being the center of attention. He will say sorry on when it benefits him. No true remorse because he doesn’t give a flying care as long as he gets what he wants and needs 24×7. He believes everyone is beneath him, life is but a joke, people are mere objects. He has now since got himself in a lot of financial trouble (again the credit cards companies faults and the economy fault) his 3rd affair (is the other woman fault for being so naive and desperate) his failure to maintain his 2nd business partnership (was because he business partner was too demanding of wanting to see the books or finances.) Always, I mean always frigging A always something or someone else. He doesn’t care if drives people insane, screws up marriages, finances, businesses, lives, causes people to contemplate suicide, causes issues every holiday by not showing up on time. The list is endless. Does Karma eventually handle this? It’s hard to forgive such garbage!!!! The exploits, the coercion, the lies, the job loss he causes people, the relationship issues, the drama, the chaos, not 1 oz of true remorse except thinking everything is a joke. Seriously, what is the best course of action? How does one heal totally? He makes fun ov everyone and everything……..why? What the heck is the matter with some of these people? Can they ever be healed? Am I better off healing myself? How!!! Thank you, Lori

    • Greetings, I’m sorry for your loss and commotion. Be sure to read S=k log w and other posts on forgiveness. You must get to the point that you can understand that this person is just doing what he knows how to do and be grateful you know otherwise. This is how you begin to heal. You’re dealing with a character disturbance and additionally I think you will find solace in reading “no Sheep’s Clothing” by George Simon. Always, you are better off healing yourself and working on your own vibe so you won’t attract something like this again into your experience. I throughly understand the undertaking of such, but it’s well worth it. You will be so much more refined when this is all said and done. The Wise One is here for your support. As far as karma this man will likely continue to experience tragic loss of friends and people leaving his life until if ever he realizes it’s all from within and he makes changes of how he views himself. The folks are very insecure in fact this is the epitome of insecurity. Now take care of yourself. ~Always, your Red Moon~


  1. Brand Awareness « Hello, My Sin Is

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Books of Interest


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 155 other followers

%d bloggers like this: